Episode Eight: Sock It To Me!

In our last episode: Taylor met up with his twin sister, Jess, in the Cafeteria at lunch. She wanted to know if the rumors were true about him asking out Bethany Coulter. When Taylor explained to Jess what had happened and why Jess couldn’t remember how she had gotten to school, Jess walked away. When Taylor confronted Chris about why everyone in school knew that he was going to ask Bethany out, Chris explained his completely insane plan – to make him smell like a Jock in order to trick Bethany’s pheromones into thinking that Taylor was more manly than he really was. At that moment, Bethany walked up to Taylor and asked to speak with him. Taylor told her to wait for him outside and then…

            I turned to Chris and whispered, “Make me stink!”

            Chris and Brett didn’t hesitate. They pulled out a pair of tongs and removed the most sweat soaked gym socks ever conceived on the planet. They were literally dripping with sweat, staining the cafeteria table as Chris held them out to me on the end of the tongs.

            The smell from them was overpowering. Every nose in the entire cafeteria turned to look in the direction of the socks. None of them, even the women, appeared to be impressed or in any way turned on.

            “What the hell did you do?” I asked, looking at the socks.

            “We took a pair of old gym socks and used them to wipe up all of the sweat spots on the gym floor after Basketball practice,” Chris explained.

            “These are Grade A Funky Fresh,” Brett added.

            “I’m not wearing those,” I stated firmly – aware that time was already slipping away and I didn’t want to keep Bethany waiting.

            “You don’t have to,” Chris noted, “Just slip them into your pockets.”

            With one hand pinching my nose, I reached out with the other and removed the socks from the tongs – slipping them into my front pocket. The reek was incredible.

            “These stink!”

            “To you, maybe,” said Chris, “But to Bethany… she will be driven wild with lust.”

            I felt my eyes watering from the stench, but I had no other choice and little time to debate. I turned around and headed towards the door to the outside courtyard where Bethany was waiting.

            Just as I reached for the door, however, a skinny tattooed arm slipped in between me and the door, preventing my departure. I knew that arm. I stopped.

            Jacque Smythe stepped between me and the door.

            “Taylor Banks,” he said in a heavy French accent, “I hear that you are trying to woo my Dezzzert flewer, Bezzany, no?”

            “No,” I said and I moved towards the door again.

            This time he physically blocked my movement with a body check. I stepped back away from the door.

            “What do you want, Jerk?” I asked.

            “I want what you cannot have,” Jacque replied. “You are not good enuf for my Bezzany. You dishonor her with your very presence!”

            I rolled my eyes.

            “Why don’t you go surrender a war or something?” I asked, and I moved around him again.

            This time, though, when he moved to get in front of me, I spun and went right around him and out the door. He stood in the doorway, stunned, as the door shut behind him. At last, I was alone with Bethany in the courtyard.

            And she knew it immediately.

            “Oh, God!” she said suddenly, “What is that smell?”

            I didn’t close the gap between us, but stood where I was and sniffed the air, “Must be something from the Chemistry lab.”

            “It smells rancid,” she noted.

            “Kind of manly though…” I said hopefully.

            She wrinkled her entire face against the nostril onslaught and said, “Yeah, if you like to smell greasy fat truckers who haven’t bathed in a month.”

            I tried to subtly close my pocket and trap the smell inside my clothes – but it had little effect.

            “You wanted me for something?” Bethany asked quickly.

            “Yeah,” I returned. “I was… I mean, I need to ask you, um, a favor?”

            “What sort of favor?”

            “Can you come over to my house after school today?”

            “No… I’m afraid I have Cheerleading Practice.”

            “How about after that?”

            “Well… maybe… I have a lot of homework and stuff,” she said. “No promises… but if cheerleading doesn’t go long, I might have time to come over for a few minutes.”

            “Great! That’s just great!” I said, as calmly as I could muster. In my head, I was at the head of a giant ticker-tape parade with billions of cheering people all shouting my name and fireworks exploding and F-16 fly-by’s and a calliope and a giant balloon of me floating behind me and…

            “Well, I’ll see you later,” she said, and then she fairly turned and ran out of the courtyard, one hand on her nose the entire way.

            I reached into my pocket and removed the sock and then turned around and carrying it out in front of me, I went back into the cafeteria where Jacques was still watching me – incredulous.

            “She said, Yes,” I noted. “And all thanks to my lucky sock!”

            Jacques looked at me with smug distaste, then looking around to make sure nobody was watching, he snatched the sock from me and gleefully ran off – taking the smell with him.

            I laughed and headed to the bathroom to wash my hands – my mind already dwelling on the sweet fantasy of walking home with Bethany Coulter.

To be continued...