Episode Three: The Medicine

So far: Taylor has had his morning bathroom time interrupted by the mad ravings of his lunatic twin sister, Jess. In an effort to convey the seriousness of Jess’s ramblings to his parents, known individually as Mom and the Hippie, Taylor tells them of her prophetic words only to have them demoted to the bizarre words of a sleepwalking Jess. As the Hippie runs off to fetch the anti-sleepwalking medicine, however…

She walked into the kitchen, not really paying attention to what she was doing - her mind obviously racing through some idea or another. I followed her into the kitchen, hoping to get one last dig in before the medicine came out and it was too late to convince her of my awesomeness and Jess's inferiority. But then Mom said something that changed everything... forever.

"Oh crap," she said, "I burnt your toast."

            My mind seized like a VW engine fed too little oil – even after warning your brother-in-law that it was low on oil and that he should fill it before borrowing your van.

            “Burnt toast?” I asked.

            “Yes, sorry… you distracted me.”

            “Jess said that… my toast would be burnt.”

            Mom shrugged her shoulders, “I burn things all the time.”

            “But…”

            My words and thought trailed out to infinity. But what? What exactly was I contemplating? And why? Did I really want to wander down that mental path wherein one questions the laws of physics and cause and effect? That was the path to madness.

            The Hippie returned with a brown Robitussin jar filled with some sparkly white liquid that looked like Bubble mix filled with silver glitter. This was the medicine.

            Mom threw the burnt toast on a plate and handed it to me. As I started to butter it, Jess came down the stairs and entered the kitchen. She was dressed for school in her red and white school uniform and she was carrying a Coach bag along with her backpack. As she entered the room, we all became quiet and stared at her as if expecting her to suddenly burst into song.

            “What?” Jess asked.

            Mom said, very deliberately and slowly, enunciating every syllable, “Are you awake, honey?”

            Jess looked right at me with a sudden quick suspicious fury.

            “What has the spasmoid been telling you?”

            “He told us what you said,” Mom explained.

            “About what?”
            “Don’t you remember?” asked the Hippie.

            “I say lots of things.”

            “You said my toast would be burnt,” I noted.

            “Your toast is always burnt.”

            “You said someone close to him was going to die,” Mom repeated.

            “He must have heard me wrong. I said that if he touched my stuff again, I was going to kill him.”

            “So you don’t know what he’s talking about?” asked the Hippie.

            “I haven’t got the… BOOP… THEY HAVE ARRIVED! REPEAT! THEY HAVE ARRIVED!… BOOP… foggiest idea what any of you are talking about.”

            “See!” I cried all A-HA like, “That wasn’t any kind of sleepwalking!”

            “Sleepwalking?” Jess asked.

            Mom looked at the Hippie and I could sense a sudden chill of fear between them.

            Mom recovered quickly.

            “It’s time for your medicine, Jess.”

            Jess looked like she was about to protest, but instead she smiled and said, “Yes, please.”

            The Hippie spooned out a small dallop of the liquid to Jess and she eagerly swallowed it. Jess immediately became blank-faced and froze like a statue.

            Mom said, “And you too, Taylor.”

            “Not now, Mom,” I replied. “I’ve got a history test today and you know I need all of my wits about me for that.”

            Mom looked stunned. The Hippie turned to me, beet red and furious.

            “Damn your Calusian blood!” He suddenly swore.

            Mom gave him a stern look and the Hippie closed up the bottle of medicine and left the room.

            “You’re probably right,” she said sweetly, “You’ll need to drive Jess to school today anyway.”

            “I get to drive? Sweet!”

            “There’s just one thing you need to do for me today, Taylor.”

            “Yeah, Mom?”

            “Do you know Bethany Coulter?”

            “I know of her, Mom. She’s only the most popular girl in school. It’s hard not to know of her.”

            “You need to invite her over to the house after school today.”

            I gave her a dramatic pause before responding, “Are you insane?”

            She smiled sweetly, like a dog trainer cooing over the antics of a fretful puppy.

            “No, I’m not insane. You invite her over to the house and don’t worry about her response. And then the three of you should come home directly after school.”

            “But, Mom…”

            “That is an order, Taylor. And trust me, you don’t want to screw this up…”

            “Okay… if you insist.”

            The Hippie returned carrying two rain jackets.

            “Here,” he said, “Take these with you.”

            “It’s not raining,” I noted.

            “Just do what I say,” he replied. “Also… where’s that universal remote I gave you for your birthday?”

            “In my room… the darn thing never worked,” I noted.

            “Go get it and bring it with you,” he ordered.

            My parents looked at each other, Mom questioning the Hippie with a raised eyebrow. Then my Mom turned to me and nodded her agreement.

            I rolled my eyes and headed to my room. My parents were officially the weirdest parents in the entire universe.

To be continued...